through the looking glass

I have a lot of leaders in my life. I was raised by two incredible role models, one of whom has been a high school principal for as long as I’ve known him. I think this in particular led me to really admire authority, and strive to be the best possible leader myself.

I have many other people and institutions to thank for my respect for leadership. Growing up in the theatre, you quickly gain tools like interpersonal skills, empathy and active listening. I also owe so much of who I am as a person and as a leader to lululemon. This company really prioritizes the individual, and sets them up to be a well-rounded human, a badass entrepreneur, and a leader in their own right — even in the smallest role in the company.

So I think about leadership a lot. From the days when I always wanted to manage a group project, to dabbling in directing in college, to effectively navigating difficult conversations in my adult life — it’s something that’s at the forefront of my mind. Am I coaching myself and others in a meaningful way? Am I presenting myself with integrity? Am I creating something bigger than myself?

And I look for it in others. That’s the tricky part about personal development. As you gain these tools yourself, it’s hard not to expect the same from others.

This past week, I was confronted in a way I’ve never experienced. Someone in a position of authority abused their power and misunderstood what it means to be a leader. They looked me in the eyes and vehemently told me that, because they were my leader, I was not allowed to say no to them.

You can imagine my shock and appall at this statement.

After I recovered from this interaction, I immediately remembered an analogy from an excellent book in the lululemon library titled, Good to Great by Jim Collins. It’s called the Window and the Mirror Model.

In a nutshell, the idea is that strong and effective leaders look out a window when solving problems, planning strategies, and attributing success. They look out to the people around them to collaborate, to build something not based on ego, and to congratulate when things go well. Ineffective leaders instead look into a mirror. They see only themselves — they turn inwards when strategizing, refuse to hear input from others, and believe that any success is ultimately thanks to them.

And I thought, wow, my leader is taking a good hard look at themselves in the mirror right now.

It’s really a helpful tool when you find yourself leading others. Frankly, I think it’s a helpful tool to keep oneself grounded and humble in all aspects of life. When we look in the mirror, we’re cutting ourselves off from so many incredible resources. The people around us are invaluable collaborators. They make our small-minded visions come to life in a larger way than we ever thought possible. When we look out a window to see the bigger picture, we remove ourselves from the equation. We remember it isn’t about us. Our leadership becomes about the team, the finished product, and what will live on once we step away. When ego and narcissism take over, we create things that revolve around us. That can’t function without us. And that serve only us, instead of the greater good.

Someone told me recently that successful people plan for their futures, while really successful people plan for their legacy. I think this goes hand in hand with the Window/Mirror concept. If you lead with legacy in mind, you’re making sure that everything you have a hand in will be left better than how you found it. You set people up for success, regardless of your presence or involvement. And you create things that are greater than yourself.

Leading self and leading others is hard work. It’s an ongoing and unfinished process. But the good news is that one of the strongest things you can say as a leader is, “I don’t know.” “Let’s figure this out together.” “What would you like to see happen?”

Looking in the mirror can feel like the safe and easy choice. But I promise you that stepping outside of yourself and leaning into the people just outside the window will always be more fruitful.

Good to Great by Jim Collins