the curse of the imagination
When I was in college, I did this intense play that’s basically an Irish re-telling of Medea. I played the Medea character, and in one scene, another character (played by my best friend Trey heyyy) pointed a musket right in my face. In one rehearsal, the blocking got off somehow, and I ended up with the barrel of a gun knocking me square in the mouth.
I immediately started crying, more out of shock than pain. As I quickly investigated whether or not I was bleeding, my sobs turned to laugher as I realized that I was actually crying because I instantly jumped to the conclusion that I had lost several teeth in the incident.
My teacher and mentor couldn’t believe the scene I had caused. An old, grumpy, grizzly, British man who is undoubtedly brilliant but certainly would never stoop to asking if I was okay; instead scoffed at the fact that I got so emotional over the mere thought that I had possibly lost some teeth. He then said something that has stuck with me over the years:
“What is it with you great actors and your overactive imaginations??”
The statement really stood out to me. When it comes down to it, that’s really all we are as actors, or artists, or creative (see: human) beings. People with overactive imaginations.
As I’ve continued on in my life, I’ve realized that my imagination really gets the best of me across the board. In addition to viscerally believing that I’ve lost teeth, I’ve also worked myself up to tears imagining that a loved one has died, or created silent arguments with people that I’ve completely fabricated. I get lost in daydreams and miss my subway stop. But most often, I’m guilty of deeply investing in things that I barely have the full story on.
This happens to me a lot in my audition life. Before I’ve even gone in for an initial appointment, I prepare my life as though I’m booking the job. I’ll only refill my Metrocard for a week in case I leave immediately for this job. I imagine the conversations I’ll have with my parents and friends. I’ve even gone so far as to write the email to my boss announcing my resignation (there’s one in my drafts folder as we speak.)
Now, while I’m a BIG believer in the power of “acting as if” and preparing for the best possible outcome, when I reflect on these actions, they seem pretty severe.
I do this in my relationships as well. When I meet or am working with new people, I can be so extreme in jumping to conclusions on how they feel about me. I either assume they’re totally obsessed with me or that they obviously hate me, when in reality, they barely know me and probably haven’t formed any kind of real opinion yet. And I’m particularly guilty of this with the men in my life. If I meet someone even remotely attractive, I’m already deciding whether or not we’ll be compatible partners before I’ve even learned if I enjoy his company, if he seems to be interested in me, or if he’s even single (or straight lolz.)
I decided to do a little *ReSeaRCH* on the brain and imagination to get a better handle on what’s happening here. Now, I’m obviously no scientist but Google is pretty cool. Here are some fun facts on the brain and imagination:
Imagination and Reality flow in different directions in the brain. The visual information from real events that the eyes see flows "up" from the brain's occipital lobe to the parietal lobe, but imagined images flow "down" from the parietal to the occipital.
Neurons that fire together, wire together. An article I read gave a great example of a pineapple. If you picture a pineapple, you know its skin is spiky and its fruit is yellow. The synchronous firing of these two ideas strengthens the connections between the set of neurons, putting them together in what’s called a “neuronal ensemble,” forming a complete mental image.
This idea goes even further into something called “Mental Synthesis.” We’re capable of imagining that same pineapple being balanced on the nose of a dolphin, even though we’ve probably never actually seen that image in reality. If the neuronal ensemble for the dolphin and pineapple are activated at the same time, the brain can perceive the two objects as a single image.
Imagination fires across the brain in a widespread neural network, which a few different articles called our brains’ “mental workspace.” This rich, inner workspace sets us apart from other species, and allows us to think freely and creatively — to make art, to invent tools, to think scientifically, and beyond.
I got drinks with some girlfriends the other week and I learned that I’m not the only one whose imagination gets the best of them. We’re all in different places with the men in our lives — some in committed, long-term relationships and some of us swiping on the reg. But regardless of where we’re at, we all seem to create these scenarios in our minds, both good and bad, that we perseverate on.
Our imaginations are clearly such an incredible tool — it’s something our brains are uniquely hard-wired to do. So why do we abuse it in this way? Are we trying to protect ourselves? To prepare ourselves for all possible outcomes? Is there anything to be gained from getting lost in a daydream, or playing out some set of circumstances that could very possibly happen, but very likely won’t?
What is it with you great actors and your overactive imaginations?
It’s clearly a blessing and a curse. I’m grateful for my ability to be creative, to problem solve, to empathize, to literally play pretend for a living. But when I’m continuously flexing that muscle, it means I’m also constantly fabricating ridiculous stories, making assumptions about people, and getting worked up over things that I don’t have the full story on.
Actor or no, I think we all abuse our imaginations to some extent. How might you be utilizing this incredible tool designed for creative thinking in a way that’s counterproductive? I love my overactive imagination and I know that it absolutely makes me a better actor. But I also know that it gives me anxiety, keeps me up at night, and can clutter my mind with useless chatter and images.
So I’m working on embracing and utilizing this incredible gift for what it’s designed to do. Used incorrectly, this human superpower becomes our own personal kryptonite. Instead of abusing the gift of the imagination, I’m focusing on all the good it brings me as an actor, in my relationships, and in my everyday life.
#tbt to me in the aforementioned play. Perpetrator Trey Harrington also pictured in the background.