pick two

All my friends are Geminis.

The second week of June always sneaks up on me and hits me like a ton of bricks. Four of my nearest and dearest are born June 11th, 12th, 13th and 14th. So every year, that means a week of four parties in a row. A week of drinking games, late nights, dinner parties, birthday coffees, curated instagram posts, meaningful phone calls, the whole shebang. Ironically, this sea-goat is not super well matched with Geminis. Capricorns love stability, plans, goals — a more steadfast approach to life. Geminis tend to be more flexible, impulsive, social, and flighty. But alas, year after year, I find myself in this parade of birthdays, celebrating my beloved, spontaneous, Twin friends.

As the week came to a close, I felt drained. While my relationships are some of the most important things in my life and bring my existence such meaning, I felt that I maybe pushed too far in that direction over the course of the week. As I spent time with one of my Gemini besties, I shared with him how depleted I was feeling at the end of this incredibly social week. I’m more extroverted by nature and love spending time with people, but as the weekend rolled around I felt like I had nothing to show for my week. I had exercised only a handful of times. I didn’t make any time to cook real food for the week. I spent little to no quality time with myself. I didn’t prioritize anything creatively fulfilling. In the friendship category, I was a fucking rockstar. But I ended the week feeling like I had failed everything else, most notably myself.

June 11th birthday-er, Greg, shared something with me in response to my distress. He said there is a notion he had learned recently that goes something like, “You can have it all in this life — but at any given point, you can only pick three.”

So yeah, I can be an amazing friend, a working artist, a dedicated family member, a spiritual practitioner, a creative being, a co-worker, a lover, a philanthropist, a reader of books, a yogi, a runner, a Netflix-binger, a self-prioritizer and the list goes on. But in any given week, on any given day, in any given moment — I can only really excel at three simultaneously.

I found myself thinking about this concept as I entered another busy week. I had a few social plans, on top of some rehearsals, some auditions for a few shows (one of which I booked!), a super fun week at work (we deemed it a spirit week with daily themes!), and many nights of about 5 hours of sleep. As I write this, it’s almost 10pm on a Friday — my first opportunity in two weeks to sit in silence for a bit and enjoy something creative that feels like a recharge just for me.

And I’m realizing, I’d like to change the Pick Three rule. I think it’s more of a Pick Two.

Because at the end of the day, at the end of the week, in any given moment — I think the first choice should always default to choosing Self.

If you don’t prioritize yourself, how will you ever be able to hold space for other individuals? How will you be able to access your creativity? Be productive in the work place? Tune in to higher-level things like spirituality, philanthropy, community?

There’s a lot in this life worth prioritizing. Your work, your family, your hobbies, travel, culture, love. I personally also have a giant stack of half-read books on my nightstand, a queue of unwatched Handmaid’s Tale episodes, and of course my heart is breaking over children being separated from their parents (among other horrible things happening in our country and world at the moment.)

But I would venture to say that this laundry list of desires, goals, and priorities can’t even begin to be tackled if you aren’t picking yourself.

I used to think this kind of self-prioritization was purely selfish. I’m not sure if that’s my Minnesota-nice talking, or something that’s been instilled in me as a woman, or what. But I definitely grew up thinking that putting yourself first meant you were rude, inconsiderate, and self-absorbed. Now, I call this self-prioritization something more like love. Respect. Care. Taking time for yourself and listening to your own selfish needs doesn’t automatically make you disinterested in others. In fact, I’d argue that practicing love and care towards others begins with practicing love and care towards self. Are you having a hard time connecting with and supporting others? I suggest turning inwards and spending a little time connecting with and supporting yourself for a bit.

And I’d suspect that by picking yourself, the results will be varied. For me, I know that by choosing myself, I’m also choosing my creativity. My health. My spirituality. These are some of the things at my core that keep me grounded. And while a week of four birthdays feels like a lot, my relationships are so much a part of who I am as well. So I know that in choosing myself, the priority of being in relationship naturally folds into that too. If I can get all of that just by waking up and choosing myself every morning, what other exciting things can fill those Pick Two slots??

I really do believe that we can have it all in this life. I definitely subscribe to the “when” not “if” mentality. And if luck is where preparation meets opportunity, you bet I’m going to keep preparing and preparing and constantly curating opportunities for myself to create that special sauce. But in the midst of this hustle, one of the easiest things to lose track of is self-care. That’s why I think it’s so important to keep it in a permanent position at the top of your list. It’s something you need to keep checking back on continuously and actively. If we can only truly succeed at three things at a time, I want to be sure that I’m always succeeding at caring for myself. The other two things will just be icing on an already delicious cake.

putting the self-care in the selfie 🙌🏻