saturn return
It’s a weird time.
I feel like everyone I talk to these days is going through a major life event. My friends are suddenly changing careers, moving across the country, traveling the world, leaving their longtime partners, and generally making drastic life changes. It seems next to impossible to have a conversation with a loved one these days that doesn’t end in tears and/or a statement something along the lines of, “What are we doing with our lives?”
When I turned 27, many friends were excited to tell me that I was entering my Saturn Return. Apparently this is a time when Saturn has made a full trip around the Sun and realigns to the same position it was in when you were born. In astrology, this is supposed to signify a kind of cosmic rebirth, or coming of age. Saturn’s journey around the Sun takes approximately 29.5 years, so people are supposed to experience this cosmic shift in the years leading up to age 30 and 60.
Saturn Return was brought up in conversation again this week, as I learned that this is a period of generally about three to five years of shifting and changing, so apparently I’m still in mine. And considering that most of my friends are around my same age, we’re all experiencing our astrological bar mitzvah’s in tandem.
Now, I don’t know that I wholeheartedly subscribe to this stuff. The intellectual in me thinks—isn’t this just a flowery way of describing quarter- and mid-life crisis? It feels awfully convenient to me that this major Universal shift is naturally occurring at ages when massive change and growth and desire for next steps seems inevitable. But my more spiritual side says, of course we’re influenced by the greater world around us and the powers that be. Maybe it’s a chicken/egg kind of thing. What came first? Our Saturn Returns or our crippling anxiety as we approach the big 3-0?
And actually, as I round out my twenties, I find that it isn’t always anxiety that I’m experiencing. It’s also pure elation and clarity when I think about what I want out of life. Everything I want feels equal parts inevitable and impossible. In one moment, I know exactly the kind of person I want to end up with and feel confident that I’ll be on Broadway within the year. In the next, I sense myself compromising on what I want out of a partner and begin doubting that I have any talent at all. And just when I feel trapped and alone in this heady cocktail of confusion and clarity—literally every friend I speak with these days is in a very similar place.
Here’s a list of some of the conversations I’ve had in the last few weeks:
A loved one has ended one perfectly wonderful relationship in pursuit of another that perhaps makes much more sense and is an even better fit. I find myself wondering, does this instinct ever go away? Do we eventually meet a partner that genuinely feels like they’re enough? Or do we ultimately need to make the conscious choice to grow up and commit?
One of my best girlfriends is torn between an incredible job that would put her on the path to financial freedom, and sticking with her intended career that’s based in what she loves and has been studying her whole life. Is it possible to have both? Why does it so often seem that pursuing our dreams looks like living paycheck to paycheck? Is it possible to make a short-term step towards getting finances in order with the intention of getting back to the dream in the longterm? Is that a smart decision, or simply a cop-out?
Two dear friends have ended a three year relationship that kept coming up against the same fundamental issues. On the checklist of things needed from a forever partner, you might find someone who completes an impressive 8 or 9 out of 10. But if those remaining couple things are true deal breakers, can you really enter into forever with someone who can never give you something you deeply need at your core? Are we just too picky? Or are we getting better at identifying our worth?
I’ve been casually seeing someone and it’s reaching a point where it feels like it either needs to progress to some extent, or cease altogether. Baggage and fear and mismatched timelines seem to be standing in the way. Is it irresponsible to just have fun and embrace what’s in front of me? Does avoiding minor pain now risk major pain in the future?
I got coffee with a friend the other day, and we were reflecting on the fact that we’re some of the only people in our group who aren’t in therapy. I think it’s incredible that so many of my friends are doing this kind of deep self-work, and mental health is more important than ever before. But I definitely grew up with the understanding that therapy was reserved for special circumstances when one truly needs professional guidance. Now I feel like it’s a regular part of my generation’s regimen. Buy organic, get a gym membership, find a therapist. Is this a sign that we’re taking better care of ourselves as a whole? Or that we’re all more fucked up than ever?
In a nutshell, we’re all GOING THROUGH IT. Whether we’re being manipulated by the sixth planet from the sun or just in a naturally transitional time, it’s all very real. And while it’s comforting to know that most people in my life are experiencing the same kinds of trials and triumphs, it can also be exhausting to find no respite from this. Coincidentally, most of our parents are in their sixties and experiencing their supposed second Saturn Return, so there’s essentially no one sane to turn to at the moment. Where my 40-year-old sages at??
I usually like to close these out with some sort of answer that I’ve reached for myself, but I’d be a total fraud if I said that I’ve figured out how to navigate this thrilling and terrifying chapter of life. Everything I’m reading about Saturn Returns says that while it can be a turbulent time that turns your world upside down, it can just as easily be a time that presents you with remarkable people and opportunities, leaving you clearer than ever on what you want. What I’m really clear on these days are simple joys that fuel my soul deeply. Here’s a short list that could inspire you if you find yourself intrenched in Saturn’s rings:
Spontaneous coffee dates
Barry’s Bootcamp
Home-cooked meals
But also Seamless delivery
Writing. Writing. Any kind of writing.
Late night phone calls
Looking in the mirror and genuinely finding myself beautiful
Singing
Sending lots of emails to feel busy and important
Talking to strangers
Self-declared “Office Hours” at my local coffee shop
Spending hours reflecting on the absolute horror and beauty of being a 28 year old woman who knows exactly what she wants and is on the eternal quest to guarantee she gets it :)
this is an image that came up when I googled "Saturn Return" and I'm v into it